Time to Say Goodbye

Eight years ago something very special happened to my family. We were able to experience a celestial member of the Barton clan. Ember Ilene Barton arrived to us stillborn on January 15, 2001. My mom was nearly full term so this was a shock to all of us. We didn’t really know how to react at first but were all deeply saddened. She wasn’t yet someone we could miss but she was someone whose absence we would always feel and someone who we would never had the joy of getting to know. It was months of anticipation lost in a moment. It was all that but so much more...and so much of it good.

The night my mom delivered her, we each had a chance to hold our dear Ember and share a special moment with her. The spirit was so strong in that hospital room. That was a feeling we were blessed to experience for a while to lift us through the difficult time. It was a bonding moment for our family and we know that she is very much a part of us.

Members of the church in our area kindly reached out and supported us at this time of tragedy. They donated money for the casket and were so generous in their giving that there was enough left over for a framed picture of Christ with a little girl.



They brought meals, and a hand of love to my mother. One neighbor, an interior decorator, designed a memorial table in Ember’s honor that displayed pictures, clothing, flowers and a locket. The spirit was always strong in our house at this time but most especially in the room with the table. People would comment on it the moment they walked in the house.

We held a small funeral in our home and then buried her in Alpine. We visit the gravesite often and remember the missing part of our family and the experiences we had with her. She taught us so very much and bonded us as a family.

I never understood before how much it would hurt to lose someone your never knew or to lose a baby. Even though I am not yet a mother, I can sympathize even a little bit now with parents who lose children, having felt the hurt and especially having watched my parents go through this.

My experience with Ember made the gospel so much more real to me. No longer was I just trying to be good to make it to the celestial kingdom. I now had a sister who was there and I had even greater reason to succeed to be with her. The experience made me examine my belief and testimony and, in all honesty, it shook me up quite a bit. I struggled for a long time to wrap my head around the questions this presented. There was a lot of doctrine about babies who die before the age of eight but very little is said about one who never took a breath. Yet I know she is a part of us and is real. I began to question the Plan of Salvation and our very existence and purpose in life. But after I wrestled through my own doubts and discovered answers, the Plan of Salvation became so very real to me- no longer just something drawn across the blackboard with circles and lines- and my testimony as a whole was strengthened.

I don’t have all the answers but I know there is a purpose for all things. I love Ember and am so grateful for her. Through we never knew her, she has had an incredible impact on our lives. Today would have been her eighth birthday. It is the day she does not need. In the church, eight means baptism but because of the Atonement of our Savior, she does not need this ordinance. She is already perfect through Him and I know that, though I am not yet at her stage and, unlike her, need to go through the experience of life, I, too, can be perfected through Him.

Happy Birthday, Ember!